I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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