So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
