I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
