Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
