Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
