Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
