Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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