saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
