definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
