I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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