Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
