I don't think brook has ever known best
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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