I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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