remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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