o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
