If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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