my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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