Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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