I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
