when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
