There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
