my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
