I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
