Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
