phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
