Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
