my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I will be naked everywhere
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
