Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
