benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
