i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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