Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
