Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
