You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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