Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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