I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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