i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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