Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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