you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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