Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
