..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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