New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
