fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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