Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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