im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
