so that wasnt chicken after all
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
