You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
