covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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