Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
God, I missed his penis.
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