I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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