be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
