You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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